Torn Between Two Lovers

Sometimes I feel confused by my love of the purely Indian classical ragas and my love/need for the lively songs of Indian Film music, and the universe between them.  Why should I?  Darbari is so deep and inviting. What draws me to need the intoxicating beat of "Choli ke Peeche" or "Tandoori Nights"?!  I need the edginess of rap in "Paper Planes", the melting soothe of "Guzarish", the romance and divine sensuality of "Maula Mere Maula".  Like the classical format of Thumri, my passion for music is two-fold: it addresses the lover in flesh and the invisible all surrounding One, a deep longing for the Sacred, the Silent, the holiness of a presence and the manifestation of the Devis and Devas, and the strong desire to move, break open, express every kind of move in dance, hear the pain and joy of earth-ridden star-studded popular, addictive tunes that overpower and bring their OWN quality of reverence and celebration.  It's probably just me that would even question the diversity of my musical taste buds. Everyone I know loves a variety of music.  But being so sold out to the classical for awhile, it still "strikes" the strings of my discriminating intellect as being the "most worthy."  I would never start dancing Kathak without performing our "namaste."  That feeling is still there. I just let it slide down unseen while I cater to my own and others' taste for "rajas": that which lies between the pure and the lethargic or devoid of purity.  Maybe it's like the physical need to embody the Self and discover and allow every facet to come to light in order to even be strong for the Total Experience of the Self.  Culturally, folk dance was always as much a part of life as the highly refined arts in music. Marjaani Marjaani to Allah's praises by Abida Parveen. Bob Dylan's Ain't Talkin and Leonard Cohen's Boogie Street. Raga Malkuns. "Beat It" by Michael Jackson.  All over the map on a daily basis. Or sometimes diving for days and days into one particular loka of sound and movement.  Crazy kia re!  Schizophrenic Girl of the twenty-first century.  Artist in a Dilemma. Who the hell am I?  Where did the one go who was so consumed with fire for Kathak?  Muddy waters or courageous exploration and expansion?! I think I will create a bollywood Namaskar.  Watch me.